A Contemplative Moment

The Sunday group that I belong to is currently reading "A Contemplative Life," by Joel Goldsmith and the question was posed, does anyone live a contemplative life? A contemplative life defined by Goldsmith is, I am consciously one with God, I am instantaneously one within the good necessary for my experience. The unfoldment of scriptural truth is, “I and my Father are one.” The initial answer from several was no, it cannot be achieved. The initial look at the question may lure you into thinking no one does, as we may think it refers to all of the time. The question posed does not state all of the time, and so in reply, the answer is "yes" we do for brief instances, fleeting moments. And as we mature into our spiritual growth, we start having longer fleeting instances.

One of the real issues is that in this US culture, we think or expect it to happen at the moment we envision it or desire it. We have Wendy's, McDonalds, drive thru coffee dispensers, and just by slowing down to go thru a drive thru, we do get whatever super sized we want at that instant. And off we zoom, with an eye on the time.

We have not learned patience, and not really let go, as we still have an expectation tied to those brief instances. We WANT a spiritual life and a contemplative life now! We want that fleeting moment all of the time, now, not years from now. This culture has a focus on time, and possibly one of the reasons is that this country is a young country. The other part may be our Puritan ancestors coming over on the Mayflower and engraining into all of us not to waste time. We do not see buildings, or history beyond maybe three to four hundred years old. In other parts of the world, buildings, monuments, and generations of tombstones of family members are within walking distance, and are thousands of years old. Those cultures also seem to be not as wired into "what time is it" as we are.

So we keep running, and running as the following poem speaks of.

“Now I become Myself” by May Sarton

Now I become myself. It's taken
Time, many years and places;
I have been dissolved and shaken,
Worn other people's faces,
Run madly, as if Time were there,
Terribly old, crying a warning,
"Hurry, you will be dead before--"
(What? Before you reach the morning?
Or the end of the poem is clear?
Or love safe in the walled city?)
Now to stand still, to be here,
Feel my own weight and density!
The black shadow on the paper
Is my hand; the shadow of a word
As thought shapes the shaper
Falls heavy on the page, is heard.
All fuses now, falls into place
From wish to action, word to silence,
My work, my love, my time, my face
Gathered into one intense
Gesture of growing like a plant.
As slowly as the ripening fruit
Fertile, detached, and always spent,
Falls but does not exhaust the root,
So all the poem is, can give,
Grows in me to become the song,
Made so and rooted by love.
Now there is time and Time is young.
O, in this single hour I live
All of myself and do not move.
I, the pursued, who madly ran,
Stand still, stand still, and stop the sun!

We do not take the time to understand, to reclaim our lost self, and see the sun stand still. Have you noticed that when we have stop running, we then notice that time is irrelevant, and the only relevancy is seeing and being love? It is this moment that counts, as this is the only moment we really have. We have only now, only this single eternal moment opening and unfolding before us day and night. I have noticed that for me, when the sun stops, I am being of service in some way to someone. I am living my life thru love.

As Jack Kornfield writes in “A Path with Heart”

“Each state we encounter will succumb to the next. There is no way to avoid the transitions of our life. The chief means of entering them gracefully is to practice them mindfully over and over again. It is like learning to ride a horse: over and over again walking, trotting, cantering, over smooth and rough terrain, mounting and dismounting, starting and stopping, until it becomes possible for us to move through life in a graceful conscious way. In moving through the difficult stages of our lives, we can learn to trust our heart to these cycles and their unfolding as surely as we can trust roots to go down and leaves to push up through the earth in our garden We can trust each petal of a flower will open in the right order from outside to inside. We can trust that whatever calls our attention to practice – our body, our personal history, the community around us – in or out or retreat, it will bring to us what we need to live fully and genuinely in the timeless here and now."

Namaste

Feelings

I'm big on feeling feelings. I am an advocate of knowing what one feels. I'll get behind just about anyone who wants to know more about what they feel. Why? Because without feelings I couldn't tell if I was alive or dead. For years, I saw myself as this masculine lone wolf, capable of surviving anything all by myself. I have been working hard to regain awareness of my emotional self. I am now reasonably sensitive to my feelings and for the most part I honor them.

Sometimes I still drop the ball. I don't like feeling "hurt". Because I have trouble welcoming feeling hurt. I don't notice it as quickly as the rest of my emotions. I deny it. I stuff it. I hide it from myself. I get angry with myself for allowing myself to feel and be open to feeling hurt. Last night, I was hurt and angry at myself more than my friend. And I was angry at my friend for admonishing and attacking me on what I had worked hard on in front of the group.

Then, this morning, sitting quietly as I do every morning, I meditated. I wasn't angry with my friend any longer, but I felt unfinished. Something in me was bugging me, wanting recognition. I had been angry with myself for seemingly falling short and failing.

Here's part of what I have learned. I have a judgment against feeling hurt. It is unmanly to admit feeling hurt. Feeling hurt means I am not using the lessons I've studied over the years as tools to take care of myself. So, I feel ashamed of myself as a failure. Feeling hurt and saying so makes me vulnerable to further hurt. I could go on and on, but you get my drift. I admit that I just don't like that damn feeling.

What this means is that as long as I hang on to my judgment against the feeling I will continue to fall victim to it. If I want to grow up, truly be a spiritual being, I have to come to terms with accepting feeling hurt with more warmth. I have to embrace it with love and see the gift in the moment. If I deny hurt feelings, and I do at times, I shut off the flow of all other feelings and I like a lot of them. Since they all rise from the same place within me, if I put the cork in the jug, so to speak, nothing moves. I feel no appreciation, no joy, no warmth, no tenderness, and no heart presence at all. I don't like being without heart presence because I feel the same way when I saw myself as a lone wolf. I feel dead inside and untouchable. That is a very lonely place to be inside of me. I can understand why being shunned is considered the ultimate punishment of one person by another. When I'm untouchable I have effectively shunned myself out of contact with anyone outside myself. The feeling sucks.

So, the task at hand for me is to look openly at my judgment against feeling hurt and its relatives. You know, feeling ignored, unheard, dismissed, or otherwise out of touch with other people.

What's the core of the lesson I'm learning? That when I feel hurt I am far better off to announce it and immediately see if that's what is intended by the other person, rather than to deny the feeling and end up getting angst with friends. I still have work to do on angst with myself.

A teacher told me four things were necessary to make a relationship work between people. Remember, these are my brothers and sisters in the spiritual sense.

One: a willingness to be vulnerable.

Two: a willingness to give up control.

Three: a willingness to feel hurt, again.

Four: a willingness to hurt someone else, again.

I no longer see myself as a lone wolf capable of surviving anything all by myself. I like being in relationships with other human beings. There's nourishment in them. Some kind of sustenance. And, I am unwilling to continue to disrupt them unnecessarily all due to my unwillingness to feel hurt and say it aloud. I may screw up again, but I'm willing to bet it won't take near as long for me to make a correction next time. It's time for me to learn it is innocent to say, "Ouch!"

Living from the Heart

by Jami Dawn Kessler, R.N., B.S.N.
Early on in life, many of us had dreams of who we wanted to be and the difference that we hoped to make as a result of our having been here. With our whole lives sprawled out in front of us, everything seemed possible. Lofty dreams have a tendency to be washed away by other people’s expectations of us, our own desires for financial affluence, fear of failure, and a desire to fit in and be accepted or to please others. While some people know from the time they were very young what they want to do with their lives, others can take decades to discover who they are and what is truly important to them. Still others can live out their lives without ever having a clear sense of direction and purpose and never ask themselves if there is more to life than what they have chosen. Upon entering middle age, however, many of us start to question the choices we have made in our careers, our relationships, and the ways we spend our time; and ponder the contributions we are making (or not making) to the world. It can be a time of re-evaluating who we are, who we have become, and who we truly want to be. Whether we are in touch with our life’s purpose or not, we can learn to recognize our god-given talents and utilize them to do the things we love the most while making a difference in the world by being our truest selves.

The need for acceptance and approval can be a dominating force in the human psyche, often leading us on our paths without us even knowing it. When I chose my career as a nurse, it was just as much to please my parents as it was for myself. Although there are many things about nursing that have been rewarding over the years, I did not feel I was maximizing my potential to give back in my own unique way. For the last fifteen years, I have had a hunger for knowledge in the areas of personal growth, holistic health, and spiritual growth studies. It has been an ongoing challenge putting these modalities into practice while working under the scrutiny of the medical world of which I have been a part. It took a long time before I gained enough confidence in my abilities and skills to take a leap of faith and create something entirely new. Although I still practice nursing on a part-time basis, I am continuing to grow with my own program, called Reflective Movement. I finally feel like I am doing what I was meant to do, and derive a great deal of satisfaction from working with individuals and groups to give them tools that can help them to improve their lives.

Over the years, we start to gain more of a sense of self, by living and learning through our successes and failures. The journey starts by asking ourselves some essential questions:

What do I love to do the most? What would I like to change or create in my life? What kind of person do I want to be? What are my greatest strengths, gifts, and talents and how could they be used for the highest good? What type of contribution do I want to make to the world? What needs to be left behind in order for me to live in a way that my choices are congruent with my hearts and desires?

The answers may not always be clear, and will often evolve over time. It is necessary to ask the right questions, watch for the signs along the way, listen to our own answers, and take appropriate action in response to those answers. For some people, it can take a long time to get to that place. Most importantly, it is never too late!

Some of us start out in our youth with a sense of what our path in life is to be and will seek that out without ever wavering. Marna Coleman is one of those rare people who has always lived in congruence with her ideals. At age fifty, she says "I’m a passionate person, and I love whatever I’m doing or I don’t do it...I’ve always been true to myself." Although she has never known herself to have a particular mission in life, she has always found joy in living close to the Earth. Over the years, she has worked selling recycled college textbooks, doing cooking, cleaning, and living a self-sustained lifestyle by raising her own food and animals. She has lived in natural areas all over the country; and for extended periods in houses without electricity, even in a mining shack. A Highland Park resident, she has worked at the Heller Nature Center with the Highland Park park district for more than twelve years now. Marna loves teaching classes and helping other to appreciate the beauty in nature. She believes that "the more connected we are with the Earth, the more peace and calm we have. I feel really lucky‘cause I have that."

Some people come to discover a sense of meaning and purpose in middle age that they never had in younger years. Elliot Rothschild has undergone dramatic and unexpected life transformation in the last ten years. Elliot used to be a "regular guy," who was satisfied with going to work, watching football, and playing racquetball. Looking back, he says "I don’t know who I was before.... It was like the light switch wasn’t turned on yet."

In September of 1990 Rothschild’s whole life changed when his brother-in-law asked him if he was interested in an adventure. The two embarked on a men’s warrior weekend, which helped Rothschild to awaken his consciousness and started him on a journey that he never could have anticipated. Out of nowhere, he started writing poetry and doing artwork with no previous experience in either discipline. After collecting over 200 poems, he decided to self-publish a book of poetry and original artwork called To Light My Way. Rothschild says, "My poems are all about my journey, and have shown me what to do."

Currently retired from his former careers in real estate and commodities trading, he gets a great deal of satisfaction from volunteering his time doing ecological restoration work for the Highland Park park district; removing non-native plants and re-planting to bring natural areas back to their original state. Elliot says that "volunteering is about healing. ...Finding a larger place in life and looking for that place where I can heal myself." In addition to being a poet, an artist, and a volunteer, he has studied various forms of healing modalities as well as many different shamanic and spiritual disciplines. He feels that he is now able to put things in perspective; even through personal tragedies. "I like the person I am now," he says, "and there’s more to come."

It is not uncommon for people to re-evaluate their career or relationship choices as they enter middle age. In my personal encounters, I know of many individuals who have done this — a commodities trader who quit and sold his house in the suburbs to move to Vermont and study environmental law — a childcare administrator who gave up her full time position and salary to stay home with her children and do grant writing from her home — a successful professional actress-soap opera star who gave it all up to follow her dream of being a rancher — a computer programmer who spent her retirement savings to become a life coach and do training in cultural diversity — a woman who is divorcing her multi-millionaire husband, leaving behind their 14,000 square-foot mansion for a simpler way of life — the list goes on.

Living from the heart can take a great deal of courage. Each step on the path is an act of bravery on a warrior’s journey. Fighting for the freedom to be who you were meant to be is a battle that originates in the deepest depths of self. For some it comes easily and is just a matter of surrender; for others it is an ongoing struggle. Change, no matter how seemingly small, can be scary and uncomfortable. Each time we stand up for what we want and truly believe in; each time we leave behind something that no longer serves our well-being or that goes against our personal integrity, is a victory for our higher selves. It means living our lives in a way that is true to ourselves, no matter what other people might think of us. Some may believe that it is selfish, but living in harmony with what brings us happiness and satisfaction only leaves us with more to give back to others.

Carrying the weight of living a life of strife and disharmony is a greater burden to bear. There can often come a time in our lives when the cost of living the same old way and continuing to make the same old choices becomes too high a price to pay for the unhappiness it brings. Even if it means making less money, giving up social status, perceived security, familiarity, and predictability; taking a leap of faith to manifest our hopes and dreams can have rewards that are priceless beyond compare. When we surrender to the highest part of ourselves — the part that believes in our ability to do anything and be all we were meant to be — our lives begin to flow with ease and synchronicity.

Vickie Austin is a remarkable woman who has created a career coaching practice called Choices. At forty-four years old, she also works full time as the vice president of marketing in a local hospital. In addition, she writes for "Career Forum" in the Wall Street Journal and is a cellist and singer in her spare time.

Vickie says that "the world is designed not to support people in doing what they love." She has great empathy for people who are in jobs they hate, because she has been there herself. At one time, she was a newspaper reporter; and although she loved the paper, she felt stifled by the male-dominated structure, stuck, trapped, and ready to explode because her gifts and abilities were not being used to their fullest potential. In her coaching practice, she helps people to articulate what they’ve known all along; helping clients to give birth to their dreams, as a midwife would.

The mission of Choices is "to create a world in which everyone loves what they do and does what they love." Vickie can honestly say that she loves the work she does. "My clients sometimes move me to tears with their courage. ...I feel honored to be able to help others."

In order to live from the heart, we must face our own fears around failure, success, rejection, and being good enough. We must dare to take chances, focusing on all there is to gain. By just being ourselves and living life to the fullest, we have more to give back to the world. Standing tall, we gather the courage to manifest our own uniqueness. Forgiving ourselves for our imperfections and shortcomings, we can appreciate where we have come from, be okay with where we are, and look forward to where we are going with a sense of adventure. Looking inside of ourselves, we can see how the way we choose to live our lives has an effect on the grand scheme of things. Living from the heart is a choice that we can all make, by allowing ourselves to explore our own truth and to do the things that support our being who we most want to be.

Jami Dawn Kessler R.N., B.S.N., is available for private coaching, classes, and speaking engagements, 847-347-0975, jdawnkess@aol.com.